(previous applicants need not apply) (no time wasters)
- Good afternoon, I’d like to thank you for taking the time to attend this afternoon’s interview, Mr, er, uh…
- Well, yes, okay, I guess I can call you Giles.
- So, Giles, what makes you think you’d be suitable for this position?
- Uh-huh, yes, good-looking; yes, I can see that. Broad shoulders, yes. Eyes, smile, yup.
- It says here on your application form that you’re good with children; do you have any relevant experience to back that up? Oh, excellent. Animals? Yes, I see. Good. Good.
- What else do you think you could bring to a position like this, Giles?
- Oh really? Hmm, yes, I like the sound of that.
- Ha! You can what? Really? I didn’t think that was physically possible. Oh! Giles, you are making me blush. Ha ha ha ha; yes!
- So, uh, if I were to offer you this job, Giles, how soon could you start?
- I see.
- No, I don’t understand.
- No, I’m sorry; I’m not interested in your problems with your wife.
- Yes I do have a problem with that.
- No. You do know my advert specifically said ‘no time wasters’?
- As if. That’s the door behind you.
(Editor’s note: that’s enough ranting now, thank you Sam)