Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Paint Your Soles, Sisters!

Here's a little moment of what I hope is 'extraordinary madness' rather than ordinary madness, since I can't honestly believe anyone in their right minds would honestly go along with this. I stumbled across this little gem in a popular woman's magazine last night. I was going to print a link to said magazine so you could read it for yourselves, but perhaps it's better to avoid naming names...

I was in a jolly mood last night having received some wonderful news ending the ongoing saga of finding a special school for my son. Everything is finally sorted, which, now that we have got exactly what we wanted, makes me suddenly reluctant to write again about how badly the system works. For now, I'm just relieved the struggle is over. In this mind, and with the children 'chez papa', I toddled off to the supermarket, 'treated' myself to a (ghastly) (oh when will I learn?) ready-meal, a couple of bottles of ale, and a magazine. Yes, that is as exciting as it gets these days!

I forced down the meal, got a little merry on the beer, and settled down with my magazine. It wasn't one I'd normally buy, and was a copy of what I would charitably describe as an 'easy-reading', 'lightweight' publication. Snobbery aside, I read it from cover to cover.

It contained an article about a single mother, who, tired of being permanently skint, re-mortgaged her soul to turn herself into a glamour-puss, with the sole aim of snaring herself a millionaire. Now, while Tales's former spouse is committed and supportive of his children, I know far more single mothers for whom this is not the case. So, ethics and morality aside, setting out to bag oneself a millionaire may, on certain bad days, seem like a wise move. The woman in question, a gorgeous manicured blonde, did indeed score herself a man with money, and lives very happily, or so she says. So far, so dull...

The article went on to feature tips on how to primp oneself up from the haggard-and-harassed single mother, a look carried off to perfection by yours truly, into a gold-digging beauty. Scour ebay for cheap designer clothes - yes, good point. Go on a wine appreciation course so you can look knowledgeable in nice restaurants - again, good point. Then, paint the underneath of your cheap shoes with red nail polish to make them look like a certain brand of designer footwear.... What???

I've looked at this article again and again today, wondering if that little 'top tip' was a product of the beer, but no, it's still there. How mad and desperate do you have to be to sit there with a little pot of nail varnish, painting the soles of your shoes, and thinking this is the key to happiness? And, assuming the varnish actually set, would anyone seriously notice your efforts? How insane does this sound? And if you didn't 'pull' your millionaire, (or 'millionairess' of course) would you go home thinking, "darn, maybe a different shade of red"?

Or maybe it's just me, (I guffawed myself into an asthmatic moment last night) and you're thinking, wow, good idea? Surely not... This has to be madness, and I don't think it qualifies as ordinary madness in any way...

Do you reckon it has the same effect if, like me, your footwear of choice is a pair of Doc Martens boots? Look dah-ling, they're designer, of course, made exclusively for me, actually. Ah, watch this space, and pass me the varnish; rich men will be dropping like flies, sisters, and we'll all live happily ever after... Wait a minute, (mutters) nail varnish; what is that again? Doh...

4 comments:

  1. Better stock up on red nail varnish because once this little secret gets out it will run off the shelves - on the other hand, maybe the millionaire the writer of this aricle has hooked up with has shares in Revlon.

    X M

    ReplyDelete
  2. I knew there was a reason I never read magazines!! I do sometimes dip in during times of desperate boredom in waiting rooms at hospitals but it always reduces me to a queasy sense of loathing for my fellow women!!
    Some people make puddles look deep!!!
    Viv

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Some people make puddles look deep" - How true Viv! I love that expression...

    ReplyDelete

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